I have been celibate for about a month. It feels so good not to have sex. I am not getting used all the time now. If I tell the guy I don't want to have sex and he leaves then that's all he is after. No more sex to make guys like me. If they don't like me because I won't have sex with them, then fuck them. They are douche bags. I don't need them. I deserve way better than what they give or offer me. I don't deserve to be used for sex.
Anyways...a update on my life
I met this guy named Joel. He is a sweet guy and seemed pretty normal. Well that all changed one day when he gave me disturbing news. He told me he had some health problems. I could think of some things but not anything compared to what he told me....
He said he had cancer, depression, homicidal & suicidal thoughts, he was really small and fragile about 5 ft and 100 lbs. I'm afraid I would break him. He also told me he's been in foster care and his mom used to beat him. I thought about how I can or if I could ever be with someone with these many and severe problems.
So I came up with a conclusion...
I could. I need to stick by him and help him through all of this. He needs me more than anyone else. We talk everyday and talk for hours at a time. He means the world to me. He is such high spirted for all the stuff that has happend to him. I think he's one of the strongest people I know.
I am glad to have him in my life. Currently Joel is in a phyiciatric pavilion in a hospital for a suicide attempt but, he's getting better.
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